22 December 2009

Scare the Kids and Kill the Dog

According to Build-A-Bear global warming scientists - there may not be a Christmas holiday this year. In fact, they are so sure of that "fact" that they are warning children on their website that since the polar ice cap is melting, Santa's home (as well as the elves' homes) will be no longer.

Some of the dialogue:
Girl Elf: Santa, it’s gone!

Papa Elf: It’s gone, It’s gone!

Santa: What’s gone?

Girl Elf: Tell ‘em, Dad!

Papa Elf: The North Peak.

Santa: A mountain? A mountain’s gone? How is that possible?

Ella the polar bear: Santa, sir, that’s why I’m here. That’s why we’re here. The ice is melting!

Santa: Yes, my dear, we know, the climate is changing. There’s bound to be a little melting.

Ella: It’s worse than that, Santa, a lot worse! At the rate it’s melting, the North Pole will be gone by Christmas!”

Santa: My, my…all of this gone by next Christmas? I don’t think so.

Ella: No sir, not next Christmas, this Christmas! The day after tomorrow!

Yes, we must scare the children that Santa and his merry little elves will have nowhere to live - and no more Christmas.

Next, we must kill all our pet dogs. Say good-bye to Lassie and Toto, dogs are the worst polluters in the fight against global warming.
Man's best friend could be one of the environment's worst enemies, according to a new study which says the carbon pawprint of a pet dog is more than double that of a gas-guzzling sports utility vehicle....The Vales, specialists in sustainable living at Victoria University of Wellington, analysed popular brands of pet food and calculated that a medium-sized dog eats around 164 kilos (360 pounds) of meat and 95 kilos of cereal a year.

Combine the land required to generate its food and a "medium" sized dog has an annual footprint of 0.84 hectares (2.07 acres) -- around twice the 0.41 hectares required by a 4x4 driving 10,000 kilometres (6,200 miles) a year, including energy to build the car.

Global Warming science can be boiled down to these two basic ideas.
* North Pole melting - no more Christmas.
* Keep the car - kill the dog.

And the world will be a better place for it.
Merry Christmas!

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